To give readers a better idea of my approach to healing I thought it might be useful to reproduce an article I originally wrote in September 2003 and edited slightly in December 2005. It appeared originally in the
Conscious Living Seminars Journal for October 2003 (See
www.consciouslivingseminars.com ) and, later, at
www.sydneytraumahealing.org/Philosophy.htm . It is reprinted below with some further amendments.
Words like "health", "illness", "sickness", "disease", "healing", "cure", "therapy" and "psychotherapy" are common in our culture. But what do these words mean? What, in the real world, do they stand for? In particular, what do they refer to when we are discussing "psychological", rather than physical illness, "mental disorders" rather than physical disorders? The moment we stop to ask these questions we realise how confused the whole issue is.
After over thirty years of thinking about such questions and a great deal of first-hand, personal experience of some of the things described by these words, I have come to conclude that most of them are unhelpful at best and harmful at worst. Terms like "mental illness" and "mental disorders" do not help us either to understand or to heal people said to be suffering from them. Referring to depression as an "illness" encourages a certain mental set, one which is unhelpful to people who really want to get well. This is also true for terms like "therapy", "counselling" and "psychotherapy" however. In addition, much that happens when people called "patients" or "clients" receive something they call "therapy" or "counselling" fails to serve the former in the ways sought by them and claimed by therapists and counsellors. At times "clients" are actually harmed rather than helped. Further than that, I believe that in those cases in which people are genuinely helped by someone called a "therapist" or a "counsellor",it is not because of something called "psychotherapy" or "therapy" (whatever these words mean) but because of something far simpler to understand (though difficult to define).
"The very mainspring of psychotherapy is profit from another person’s suffering", wrote Jeffrey Masson in
Against therapy (Masson, 1988: 296). "A profession that depends for its existence on other people’s misery is at special risk", he claimed.
Against therapy should be read by everyone, not because everything in it is accurate, but because much of it is. The fact that people calling themselves "therapists" and "counsellors" DEPEND, for their livelihood, on the fees they charge their "clients" vitiates much of the good they might otherwise do. This is because the more effective they are – the more quickly their "clients" are healed – the more quickly the "client" can leave and deprive the "therapist" of her livelihood. The pressure this places on all "therapists" to encourage dependency in their "clients" is enormous. The fact that such "encouragement" is often unconscious only makes the process more invidious. Similar processes operate in the field of "teaching" in schools and in "community development" projects with so called "disadvantaged" people, as well as in the field of "social welfare" and, indeed, in welfare in general.
This problem of dependency arises every time we have "experts", "professionals", "gurus" or others who claim to have special skills, knowledge, goods or services which they then sell to people defined as "consumers", "clients" or "patients". It is not difficult to see that this is precisely what happens in our society in virtually all walks of life and indeed, often defines our relationships with each other.
I should perhaps clarify something. I recognise that incredibly powerful, worthwhile, life-enhancing things can and do happen when people see someone called a "therapist" or a "counsellor". Unlike Masson, I recognise that this can and does happen. I have been extremely fortunate in this regard. I have known some people who were exceptionally gifted AND who were more interested in empowering me to become independent than in continuing to take my money for years. I am not even sure if I would still be alive without their support and encouragement. I also know a small number of others who have been helped in this way. But I have known people who remain "in therapy" week after week, month after month, year after year, without any observable improvement. I realise that many such people say they are being helped, that healing is a long-term process and that "it takes as long as it takes". There is no question that some conditions, those resulting from very early traumatic or painful experiences, for example, take time to heal. My own healing took 18 months, but if I include my very first, apparently successful, attempt, then it actually took two years and six months. Severe depression is probably something that does require a longer period to heal than some others. But if we just seem to keep on doing the same things, with the same results and if we keep on feeling the same feelings, month after month, year after year, then I remain scepticle of what is been achieved. If there is growth occurring, there must be some evidence of this, even if it is invisible to others. I guess we just need to be honest with ourselves. Have we consciously or unconsciously chosen a therapist who indulges us, one who does not challenge us and with whom, therefore, we can play safe, in the fantasy that we will eventually heal? Is there something else we could be doing, either instead of, or in addition to what we are already doing, that would allow us to stretch a little (or a lot) beyond our comfort zone? There is no pat answer to these questions. But we should be asking such questions during the healing process and be honest with ourselves when we respond.
Perhaps the above is self-evident. More important are the questions we began with: "What is health?" "What is illness?" "How can we heal?" If we are suffering, if we are experiencing distress, what can we do? What is achievable? How?
The first thing we need to recognise is that we live, pretty much all of us, in an artificial, unhealthy, disempowering and abusive (and toxic) world. For good, solid historical – but especially economic – reasons our society is not structured in such a way that our basic needs can be met. Our institutions do not exist to support us or to empower us but, on the contrary, to make us dependent. The process begins, not at birth, but before we are even born (See various articles in the CLS Journal). Very few of us experience a natural, pain-free birth. In the weeks after we are born, only a tiny percentage of us experience anything like the "continuum" parenting described by Jean Liedloff (
The continuum concept, 1975; Second edition, 1986). Most of us learn, already in the first weeks of life, to disconnect from pain, by disconnecting from the discomfort we feel, through a process which some call "dissociation" or "splitting" and which is referred to as "repression" by psychodynamic psychotherapists. A somewhat better way of saying this is to say that we fall asleep. We enter a calm, peaceful, hypnotic state called "normality" (or normalcy). With so much of our energy being used to ensure a state of unconsciousness or semi-consciousness, we lose our vitality, our passion, our zest for life, our joy. What we call depression has its roots in these events during the first weeks and months of life (though it often takes a later event, such as the tragic death of someone we love, to trigger a full-blown depression). And we often develop physical illness as well.
In the process of growing up, at the childcare centre, preschool, school and work, this basic process continues, but becomes incredibly complex. We develop "personalities" which serve to mask both who we are and the bewilderingly complex protective strategies we use (so-called "defence mechanisms") to keep our identities (that is, our false, alienated selves) intact. The purpose of the whole exercise is to hide who we are as well as to hide the fact that we are hiding anything. We need to deceive not only others, but ourselves as well. The net result of all this is what we call "the real world". Deceitfulness and dishonesty come to characterise both our personal relationships and our institutions, including not only government bureaucracies but the commercial and business world as well. Meanness, pettiness and spitefulness can be seen everywhere – on our roads, in cafés and restaurants, when we use public transport and when we deal with government departments. We experience these things at school, then in our workplaces and, finally, even in our own homes.
Now there are various ways that people deal with the dissatisfaction and unhappiness that result from living the way we live. For many of us, the "world of work" provides a satisfactory distraction, as we build our careers, increase our power, prestige and income and are able to afford an ever-expanding set of commodities for our comfort. A bigger and better house, more comfortable furniture, more and more gadgets of an ever-improving quality and a constant focusing of our energies on the external world as we keep on hoping that, with an improved "standard of living", we will eventually feel better. For others, a better strategy is to "live in their heads" by sublimating their energies into abstract symbols, intellectualisation and ideation, divorced from reality. For others, political engagement perhaps, or the development of a rebellious personality, defined by opposition to everything "normal". Just as some may drown themselves in "work", others may drown themselves in pleasure, in a variety of sexual experiences with a variety of partners. For many of us, pornography seems to be the solution, the ideal distraction from our pain; pornography can even represent an unrealistic - and probably unconscious - hope for love or intimacy . Even housework or absorption in our children’s lives can serve as strategies to deal with our unlived lives (and our pain, or distress, or despair). And, for some, it may be some form of "psychotherapy" or "counselling", "weekend workshops", personal growth or personal development "courses" or "seminars", including Eastern-type meditation, yoga, breath-work and so on.
Any of the above can give our lives purpose, meaning and direction. Many can lead to genuine growth and healing. In particular, some of us may find, as we devote our lives to some activity that is vastly bigger than our individual lives, such as working for world peace, that our purely private, personal distress begins to disappear. An intimate relationship can lead to similar healing.
What is it, then, that heals? What can we do to begin the process? And, finally, what can we reasonably expect? The first step is to recognise that "illness" or "sickness" refers not to the processes and states usually labelled as such by the experts (doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, teachers, counsellors, government departments of health or the mass media) but to the normal, everyday reality discussed earlier (this is largely true even for physical illnesses, since so-called "emotional factors" are nearly always involved in such common occurrences – eg colds, headaches, heart disease and, very likely, cancer). If this is accepted – that a state of disconnection from ourselves, or unconsciousness or unawareness is at the heart of "sickness" – then it follows that healing involves awakening, or becoming conscious.
How do we awaken from the "pathology" of normalcy, the real sickness from which we all suffer? How do we begin to become conscious? By the time we ask the question we have already taken the first step. A part of us has indeed awakened and become, at the very least, aware that we are unaware, conscious of our unconsciousness. Merely noticing that we are hurting is sufficient to begin the process of healing, or becoming conscious.
The next step is more difficult, indeed it is the most difficult step in the whole healing process, one which very few people take. If you skip this next step, healing is unlikely to occur. Ideally, this next step will arise spontaneously, from an awareness of something we might call your "life-force", your "life energy" or your powers of self-healing. That is to say, some part of you recognises the "biological wisdom" within you. There are many, many names for this: Abraham Maslow called it the "self-actualising tendency". Some "Eastern" traditions call it "self-realisation". For me, it is simply some part of our essential human nature, that longs to LIVE and is characterised by passionately saying "YES" to life. It is a part of us, an essential part of our being that WANTS TO GROW (and which wants OTHERS to grow, as well – it is INCLUSIVE). Yet another way to say this is that we need to have an awareness of – perhaps merely a momentary glimpse of or connection with – our "Higher Self". We need not recognise it as our "Higher Self". We need not articulate it at all. We need no more than a momentary awareness of something stirring within us – a power or a force or an energy – that has compassion for us, that is interested in our wellbeing and wants us to heal ourselves and grow to our full potential. If we can recognise some such force or power, then the next step is easy.
We make a simple commitment to heal ourselves, no matter what obstacles we may encounter.Why is commitment essential? Before I began the "Being of Service" (B.O.S.) course with the
Self Transformation Centre in Canberra in February, 1986, the following quote (attributed – wrongly, I think – to Goethe) was sent to us as part of our pre-course reading:
"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no-one could have dreamed would have come his way."
I had read these words, in January, 1986, at a time when I had no such belief. Yet, without the intervention of any rational thought process, I instantaneously recognised the truth of these words. I believe that, at that moment, I made a temporary connection to my Higher Self (even if aided by some words on a piece of paper).
So, whether one has such an awareness spontaneously, or whether the awareness is mediated by what someone says, or writes or does, it will commence the process of healing.
I am convinced that the reason so many people can spend years in therapy without healing is that they have never taken the step of committing themselves to health. The commitment can be made in the form of one or more INTENTIONS. The intention can be as vague as "to heal myself" or "to attain total health". It can also be specific, such as an intention to heal a specific trauma or to experience feelings of joy and vitality (instead of depression and fatigue, for example).
Provided only that the commitment is
genuine (and not merely a form of words), "Providence" will, indeed, move. Things will, indeed, begin to occur to support you "that would never otherwise have occurred" – or perhaps, having made the commitment, you will NOTICE, rather than ignore, such occurrences. Unforeseen "incidents and meetings and material assistance" will, indeed start to happen – or again, you will BE AWARE of them and PAY ATTENTION TO THEM. The assistance can come in an infinite variety of forms, some of them apparently negative. For example, someone close to you may fall ill or even die. You yourself may fall seriously ill. You may be the apparent victim of some tragedy. You may become unemployed, or your partner may leave you or your business may collapse. Equally, you may meet someone special and form a close friendship or an intimate relationship. Or you may look for and discover an exceptionally gifted therapist or counsellor or a personal growth organisation whose programs are tailor-made for you. This is what
Self Transformation Seminars (ST) called "the law of synchronicity", a concept borrowed from Jung.
When your intention is clear, when your commitment to growth or healing is genuine, you will recognise when a person or a program or process is not in your best interests. You will also "make a virtue of necessity" so that, for example, if you have chosen a therapist who proves inappropriate, or who does something that is potentially harmful, or you participate in an experiential process that is poorly run, you will CHOOSE TO GROW ANYWAY, rather than engage in fault-finding (and using the faults as an excuse NOT to grow). A commitment to your wellbeing will sensitise you to characteristics in a therapist you may otherwise have missed, for example, whether this therapist needs his clients to need him, or whether he is likely to support the growth of independence and autonomy.
It goes without saying that there are certain essential qualities that a therapist, counsellor or special friend needs to have in order to empower you and to support you, such as being sensitive, warm and loving, accepting and REAL (genuine or authentic). They probably need some skills, knowledge and experience. The same is true for seminar leaders or facilitators. Clearly, the teaching, the information and concepts, as well as the structured processes, must be appropriate. There need to be opportunities for self-expression, for physical movement such as dance, or drama or role play, as well as opportunities to share experiences, to receive empowering feedback and time for silent meditation. But none of these things will support your growth and assist you to heal unless your intention to grow is clear and your commitment to health uncompromising.
If you find that such a commitment is impossible for you, there may still be a way out. So long as you are able to choose to be open to whatever shows up and be WILLING to grow (and willing to do whatever it takes to grow), your willingness will see you through.
Everything that I have written above, incidentally, holds true for physical illnesses as well, no matter how severe. In that case, the "therapist" will most likely be a medical practitioner, however. You may still need to go into a hospital. You may still require surgery. But you will have engaged the support of a powerful ally – your Higher Self or, if you prefer, the divine part of you.
What can be expected from such a process? The organisations that I have been involved in, as well as the dozens of others whose material I have read, hold out a promise to change your life in ways that are totally unrealistic. Some organisations are even more extreme than others in this regard. No more ego, no more fear or anxiety, no more anger. Joy, bliss and permanent inner peace. I have never met anyone, including the people who run these organisations, who embodies such unrealisable characteristics. Human life on this planet simply does not support such a state, even if we temporarily find it. "It’s not sustainable" is how one of the better facilitators once acknowledged privately. In my own case, the changes have, indeed been almost miraculous. "Depression" is supposed to be incurable. I know people who have lived with it all their lives. Some have killed themselves. I regard the fact that I was able to heal myself as remarkable. So far, so good. But in numerous other areas I have made little, if any progress. I’m probably even more difficult to get along with today than I was twenty years ago. I am conscious that I am intolerant, critical, judgemental, arrogant and self-righteous. Anger is as much an issue today as it was before. My fear of death, which I thought had been cured, still returns. There are numerous aspects of my relationship with my wife that are difficult for me to accept. Therapists, counsellors, teachers, facilitators and seminar leaders are not spared such challenges when they are in intimate relationships. The conscious ones acknowledge this openly and this makes them, in my view, better "therapists" and "counsellors" (and husbands, wives or partners) than those who believe they've "got it all together".
Healing, growth, awakening, becoming conscious – these words refer to a continuing, life-long process. The process of growth has no other purpose than further growth, to paraphrase John Dewey. There is no end product, no perfect bliss, no perfect happiness or inner peace. No ego-free existence. Once begun, the process of healing continues until we die. We continue to live in the world, with its enormous challenges. Our children and partners, our employers and our neighbours all ensure that our growth will not stop. And, while we certainly do not need to go through life living in despair, without hope, feeling worthless and unloved, we can not avoid moments of pain or distress because they are part of the human condition. In particular, they are part of living in the world as it is at this point in time.
To sum up. It IS possible to heal and to grow, though not in the ways often promised. As we gain greater self-awareness, as we awaken and become conscious we will, indeed, experience more intense joy more of the time, greater inner peace, moments of oneness with other human beings (an experience of "ego-lessness").
But not all of the time. Indeed, we are even MORE likely to react with feelings of intense sadness, pain and anger when we witness some of the injustices in the world than before, when we were somewhat numb. The "highs" will be higher, but the "lows" will probably be lower. The good news is that the "lows" will pass quickly. To go through life and to experience the full range of human emotions – not only moments of religious ecstasy and joy but moments of inner turmoil and pain as well – is to be fully ALIVE. That is the aim of healing. That is what I call health.
References: Jean Liedloff (1975; 1986).
The continuum concept (Harmondsworth: Penguin Books, 1986; revised edition).
Jeffrey Masson (1988).
Against therapy (London: Fontana Paperbacks, 1990).
Further Reading: If you enjoyed this article, you may like to read others in the
Conscious Living Seminars Journal. Go to
http://www.consciouslivingseminars.com/ and click on "Journals" or "Philosophy"; or go to
http://andrewreiner.blogspot.com/. See also,
www.sydneytraumahealing.org .
